Marriages Worth Millions Presents:
Nine Principles of Proactive Parenting 
(adapted from Dr. Glenn Latham)

Module Ten: The Ability to Track Behavior So You Can Treat It Professionally

Poor behavior is like an ill or injured body—most often, given time, the body will heal itself. And when we need medical care, good doctors don’t begin to treat any patient without first carefully observing what is going on, checking vitals, and even ordering blood and other test to carefully learn as much as possible about the patient’s symptoms. And good doctors do not scream and holler at the patient about his bad health, or launch into a huge lecture about the patient’s poor choices, even if the patient did something to cause his own problems. Yet, as parents, we often make the mistakes of reacting too quickly or angrily scolding or blaming our children for poor behaviors. 

This may be due to the fact that, when misbehavior occurs, we often feel great urgency to intervene immediately and “nip it in the bud.”  This generally leads to rushing into responding without being adequately prepared, and making rash decisions or issuing ultimatums that we later regret.

However, treating negative behaviors is very similar in some ways to treating minor illness—like the common cold, many annoying misbehaviors can end up taking care of themselves, especially if they are ignored long enough (see Module Three).

Of course, not all behaviors can be stopped simply by ignoring them.  Some behaviors, if left alone, will threaten the individual’s normal growth and development if left unaddressed, just as some untreated illnesses can threaten the very life of the individual. 

Realistically, however, there is almost always plenty of time to step back and gather the information you need. 

In reality, very few of the behavioral crises that occur in the home are so serious that they absolutely MUST be dealt with immediately.

In the vast majority of situations which require you to respond, it is best to proceed cautiously, taking the time you need to remain objective and calm. The good news is that nearly all behaviors are directly related to the immediate environment, which means that gathering information can be a fantastic tool to help you solve behavior problems. 

There are only three steps to the best response:       

1. Make a note of what is happening      
2. Formulate a plan      
3. THEN step in to deal with the situation, based on the information that has been gathered.

When making a note of what is happening, you must watch behavior for three things:

1. How often does it occur?
2. How long does it persist?
3. Under what conditions does it occur?

If you are like most parents, when you get frustrated, you probably often say things like: “My kids always fight,” or “The kids never pick up after themselves,” or “My daughter is never home before curfew.”

But when you spend a week carefully observing and noting specific elements of the behavior, you will invariably return with a totally different perception.  In fact, after such observation, you will realize what the problem is and have found a perfectly sensible solution! 

Although it is true that taking data--no matter how helpful--can be tedious or very inconvenient, in the long run it relieves more pain than it causes because it gives you the specific information you need to treat the problems that are driving you nuts.  

CLICK HERE for Behavior Tracking Form and Instructions.

UP NEXT: Pat Yourself on the Back for Completing the Modules, and then Practice, Practice, Practice!
If you get stuck, click here to quickly set up a coaching session with Gina!