Marriages Worth Millions Presents:
Nine Principles of Proactive Parenting 
(adapted from Dr. Glenn Latham)

Module Three: The Ability to Ignore Behaviors which Do Not Threaten the Basic Quality
of Life, Limb, and Property
(which covers most age-appropriate behaviors)

The single best way to deal with harmless inappropriate behaviors 
(such as sibling rivalry, tantruming, whining, pleading, crying, grouchiness, etc) 
is to ignore them!

(Note: Dangerous Inappropriate behaviors, such as inflicting pain on others or damaging property, must be handled differently. Module Six addresses how to respond to severe inappropriate behaviors.)

Most inappropriate behaviors are of no consequence in terms of being a threat to anyone or anything.  They are garden variety, age-typical, "weed" behaviors, and if left alone, they’ll eventually “dry up” go away, and have no lasting impact in terms of normal growth and development.

But as parents, we tend to think we are failing if we don’t “nip these problems in the bud.” Unfortunately, in our efforts to eliminate these behaviors, we actually end up strengthening them by “watering” them with our attention.  The best solution is to simply ignore these behaviors.

Although this is a very simple thing to do, it can also be incredibly difficult skill to master, because it goes against how we typically respond! But keep trying. If ignoring gets too hard, try setting an "Ignoring Goal"and look at the clock. Promise yourself that you will not respond in any way to the behavior you are trying to ignore for three minutes.  You may be surprised to discover that nearly 100% of the time the child will abandon the poor behavior! You simply have to wait them out, and it usually doesn't take very long!  

Three Critical Rules for Ignoring Poor Behavior: 

1. Do not even look at the child.
2. Make no gestures which indicate you are paying any attention whatsoever.
3. Simply turn and walk away (but when leaving, don’t roll your eyes, huff and puff, or in any way indicate that you notice the child)

UP NEXT: Module Four-The Ability to Clearly Establish and Communicate Your Expectations